A wise woman once told me "sometimes, all you can do is put one foot in front of the other with as much grace as you can manage*"*it was Susan*of course it was a woman*I rarely manage*she might have said "muster"
I felt the same way about Illinois many times. There might be a point when you have no reason to visit Maryland.
Yes. I know you don't. I'm sorry you have to go. Hugs.(And yes, what Dona said, except replace Illinois with Timaru.)
This is so hard on you, each time you go. Wish it could be easier.