Dad hated the place. He
was resentful. He felt he’d been duped. It was one of the worst weeks of my
life, getting them into a safe space. Two weeks after moving in, he fell. They
took him to the hospital, and the fall didn’t turn out to be a problem, but
everything else was. His dementia progressed rapidly. They moved him into
hospice. A month to the day that we moved him, he died.
My dad hated the facility we moved him to as well, and he died about a month later too.
ReplyDeleteMy father's dementia was different from my mother's Alzheimer's.
I clicked reply too quickly. My dad still knew me at the end whereas my mother didn't know me for months before she died.
DeleteI can't imagine what this year has done to you. <3
ReplyDeleteAgreed. What I was going to say.
DeleteI still remember telling my Dad we were moving him to the hospice. A tall, strong, big-boned (but slim) man, he was too heavy for my mother and me to handle when he became so weak. He said, "oh, shit!" which doesn't sound like much, but for him was quite a strong expression of disgust. It makes me want to cry every time I think about it. But it was the best possible decision. And I take comfort in knowing that. I hope you can too.
ReplyDeleteI remember too moving my mother into a rest home. The manager there said the first six weeks are the hardest, and that there is often then a rejuvenation. I'm so sorry your Dad didn't get that. (My mother didn't either, also following a fall.)
Yes, I remember the look on my dad's face when we visited him at the nursing home the day he arrived (the hospital took him there). He asked if he was dying and said "I want Kevin to get my dad's pocket watch." I took his picture next to a welcome Elvin sign. He looks disgusted. It is the last photo I have of him.
DeleteRead this today, when I've felt a little haunted by my father. Hugs to you, dear Kate. We do the best we can, and suffer still because there is nothing good about the whole damn mess of living and dying.
ReplyDeleteI'm sending you hugs too. And I think what Kim said about the whole damn mess of living and dying is so true, and so apt.
ReplyDeleteIt was his only way out. I said the same to the nursing home staff when my husband was dying of pneumonia.
ReplyDelete