covid notes 15

I keep saying I’m going to write about style school and everything else. And I keep meaning to write…ANYTHING. I feel so busy and overwhelmed. So just in case I can’t get anything else out, here is something I wrote to the group during the last week (mid-April, the week Tim lost his job). And then maybe I’ll add a few notes in another post. If you’re thinking about style school, do it! I’m so glad I did.

 

Things I’ve learned in weeks 2, 3, and 4:

 

1. I was right. I don’t have time for style school. One of the things I’ve been working on in therapy is how overwhelmed I feel with tasks and how to move forward in dealing with that. Still, during a time in which I was desperately looking for more energized time to accomplish important things, I jumped into style school (on Leap Day!). Then my husband started working from home too. Then comes the stay-at-home order, fear, more stress. I was right. I don’t have time for this.

 

2. That’s OK. I’m glad I did it. So what if I can’t keep up? It’s totally against my nature to commit to something I can’t give my all to, and it’s uncomfortable. Maybe it’s OK to be uncomfortable sometimes.

 

3. The only person who seems to think I’m failing is me. Maybe that means I’m not really failing.

 

4. Even though I can’t keep up, I am absorbing so much. I am learning from each and every thing someone says or tries out or shows me. I may not be able to try the same thing now, but I am taking in this information, and it’s affecting the way I am able to see and think.

 

5. Every time I’m getting depressed about my process, I get on one of the class calls, which are always uplifting and inspiring. What a pep talk! Stasia says that we can’t do this wrong! So I guess I’m not doing it wrong. By the time the class is over, I’ve shot my style school time for the day…but the calls are some of the best part of this process for me.

 

6. In beginning to accept that I’m not going to get through style school assignments at the same pace as others, I think a little of the anxiety is disappearing. How did my outfits make me feel? Anxious, mostly, that I was so far behind in style school and didn’t have enough time to FEEL them after putting them together. I still am trying to do things as quickly as I can, and I may not know exactly what an outfit makes me feel, but I am having more fun playing—grabbing things, starting to see possibility where I didn’t before, even if I don’t have time to try that thing right that second. I can’t get where I would like to be in these 5 weeks, but it’s happening: my brain is changing. I’m seeing the world, my closet, myself a little differently. Slowly but surely.

 

7. I knew this before, but we’re always learning it: Other women are so inspirational! Women who seem like naturals to this, women who are struggling with this, women who are showing up no matter how they feel about this. Every single one of you affects me and teaches me things. Thank you.

 

8. I am learning to keep lists of items I need in my wardrobe, things I’ve been afraid to try/didn’t like/“couldn’t wear” because they never worked for me: belts, scarves, necklaces. Who knew some basic math could make accessories work for anyone? (Also shoe brands, jewelers. And I need a jean jacket, for cryin’ out loud!)

 

9. For the past few years, I’ve been trying to get rid of clothes, not buy them—or at least get rid of enough to legitimize buying more. One reason I’m here is to learn enough about myself to make good decisions. I want to learn enough to help me know what to let go of and what to bring in. This will no doubt be a slower process than I’d like (seems like a lot of things are), but I believe I’m gaining these tools to help me with these decisions. Thank you!